How NOT To Sacrifice Yourself To Energy Vampires
Margaret Paul. Ph.D
Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages.
Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.
Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world -- mostly on the phone. She is able to access spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest®, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding® and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public.
Margaret is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain and learn the path to joy and loving relationships.
In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, take photos, watch birds, read, ride horses, and spend time with her grandchildren.
Latest posts by Margaret Paul. Ph.D (see all)
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Learn how to protect yourself from energy vampires.
Do you sometimes wonder why you feel so drained after being with some people, while you feel energized when being with others?
Some people are energy vampires, and actually drain energy from you. How do they do this? What can you do to avoid this?
Ways People Drain Energy
Sometimes the ways people drain energy is obvious, and sometimes it is very subtle. A fairly obvious way is talking non-stop. I wrote an article on talking addiction and received the following response from a reader:
Thank you so much for your article on talking addiction. For years now, I have wondered why I would feel so drained after listening to my mother. My mom is one of those people that can stay on the phone talking for hours and hours, and it’s a monologue. She is never interested in what I have to say unless it is about her. Lately, I’ve found myself hiding from her. For years, I would dodge her phone calls to conserve my energy. I have mentioned to her that she talks a lot but I think that it goes in one ear and out of the other. I am so glad that I read your article. Now I know that I’m not being mean when I go into my personal space.
Some people drain energy by always complaining, or by having dramas that need attending to. Some people drain energy by wanting to process all the time about their problems. Others drain energy through various means of trying to get approval – such as asking a lot of questions, or bragging a lot, or being overly nice. Other people drain energy by sulking or crying – being a victim and hoping someone will give them attention.
There is a very common, yet subtle, way that many people drain energy. If you are a person who ignores your own feelings and who does not take care of your own needs, then it is likely that you have an empty hole inside you. Empty holes are like vacuums – they want to get filled. Even if you don’t overtly pull on others for attention or approval, your empty hole is a pull on their energy. Because you are not taking care of your own needs for love, attention and approval, you are automatically pulling on others for their love, attention and approval. Or, you might be pulling on them for affection or sex as a way to get your empty hole filled. When they pull back, you are left wondering what you did wrong.
What can you do to Avoid Having Your Energy Drained?
Most people who are energy vampires count on other people being so nice that they will give them the attention or approval they are seeking. Most people don’t like speaking up because they don’t want to hurt others’ feelings. However, when you do this, you are allowing yourself to take responsibility for the other person’s feelings rather than for your own feelings. You are abandoning yourself and making what the other person wants more important than taking care of yourself.
You cannot begin to stop the energy drain until you fully accept that you are not responsible for the other person’s feelings. It is your feeling responsible for the other person that allows you to get drained.
Once you accept that you are not responsible for the other person, but that you are responsible for yourself, you will discover that you can gently extricate yourself from a draining interaction. It is not hard to learn to get off the phone or walk away when you have learned, through a consistent Inner Bonding practice, to take responsibility for yourself rather than for the other person’s feelings.
Find out how Inner Bonding has helped singer/songwriter Alanis Morissette to evolve in her courage to love>>Inner bonding really nurtures and fosters the relationship between self and spirit. Personally, it has helped every relationship that I have. I’m so grateful.- Alanis Morissette
