Shameless: A Review of an Ordinary Woman’s Sexual Experience Memoir

Instead, she chose to do what many men who are sexually dissatisfied but unwilling to risk ruining their marriages have done for centuries. To boil it down to the bare facts, she sought out professional erotic masseurs, sexual healers, and practitioners of BDSM who provided her with quality sexual experiences in exchange for dollars. As Pamela’s humorous and deeply personal story reveals so well, it turns out that there is much more to expanded sexuality than a simple orgasm. Her craving for sexual exploration turns out to be a path to spiritual expansion and personal growth, resolving long standing psychological issues that stubbornly resisted the “talking cure.”

These kinds of transcendental sexual experiences can also be found within the context of both marital and extra-marital relationships, but for Pamela, pay-for-service was an essential part of her own sexual liberation as well as a way to maintain the integrity of her marriage.

Madsen’s account of her struggles to find practitioners who could guide her to a deeper understanding of her own erotic nature and help her access more profound levels of self-love, receptivity, and surrender are at once funny, moving, and engaging. But Shameless offers more than a good read. This fascinating glimpse into the “sex positive/sacred sexuality” subculture inspires and supports women to value their sexual potential in a way that men have long taken for granted. Despite post-modern sexual equality, many women are still reluctant to openly pursue sexual gratification outside of a romantic context. By not only admitting, but deliberately choosing to do so, Madsen models a new sexual ethic.

For me, she raises another interesting issue: Is it monogamy if extra-marital sex is exchanged for money or does not include intercourse? Certainly, the boundaries and expectations are more defined than they would otherwise be. But does this fit the definition of monogamy? As I’ve discussed in previous blogs, sometimes we just have to accept that monogamy is in the eye of the beholder.

I’ve encountered the reverse issue in offering relationship coaching to clients who provide erotic massage and other sexual services professionally. That is, such individuals sometimes choose to identify as polyamorous, and select polyamorous partners, because in many people’s eyes, their work disqualifies them from having a monogamous relationship. The fact that they are being paid to engage sexually does not always prevent partners from experiencing jealousy. It appears that money does not necessarily erase distinctions of exclusivity, specialness, or inclusion.

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